A dreaded combination! Hysteria and love combine at this one place my friends. Totos! I’m sure all those who were present for ‘The return of Totos’ this Tuesday know exactly what I mean. Even as I write this I’m constantly aware that I’m going to walk into Totos tonight to have yet another frenzied five hours of awesome music and fun. And then again tomorrow, and then several more nights will follow.
(so writing about Totos at this point in time is inevitable)
I hope my pals (I need not name you guys) who have waited desperately in the past few months to let the music sink into them, as they take their seats in the home-like comforts of their regular haunt day after day, are finally feeling fulfilled. But I know you guys will agree to what I’m going to say next. This joy and fulfilment seems to have taken on a new vigour. I feel renewed energy when I step into Totos now. I jump, sing, scream and interact with several people around like crazy. I seem to have lost control.
I value the place more than ever before, have fallen in love with it all over again and have realised that no other pub in the world can take the place of Totos.
The truth though is that this garage pub is what its regular’s make it. People who come here know their music, love their music and sing along like us J How can we live without the regulars. The older lot of MM, Ramu, Faresh (as annoying as he is loves Totos) and the new ones like Shankar Mahadevan and company, Auri’s stalker, Chris Martin, brooding faresh, blue faresh etc etc. What would we do without them? Tell me, tell me.
Totos is a whole world in itself. It is a community of people who love their music and the dimly-lit small stingy smoky garage pub at Pali Naka. Cheers to Totos! Cheers to us! We love Totos and we love us!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Sleeping woes
Sleeping has become a task in the past few weeks. While sometimes I fall asleep with a smile on my face, most times fear plays games with me from the dark of my room. I lie down on the same old bed spread on the floor, night after night after night, wondering about things that make no sense. It's not a disorder, it's just a reflection of overwhelming emotions.
Most of the times I feel good about the way my day has gone but I feel sort of empty when I stare at the ceiling and watch the fan spin around itself. I see dreams that disturb me, others that I feel ashamed of and still others that stir the peace of my mind. There are skeletons in my closet. There are demons in my thoughts. My happy mind is clouded by my own flaws and discomfiture. I miss people whose touch makes a whole world of a difference to my state of mind. I miss you and I know I can never see you again. I miss you too and I’m waiting to see you. And I also miss you even though I see you all the time. But I don’t want to acknowledge that I’m missing the faith and the joy of self comforting more than anything else.
I laugh and I cry to let go of the emotional barrenness. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be right or wrong. I just want to be. Life is just crawling and I’m just allowing it to. I hope to bring some meaning to the act of sleeping and the act of waking up next morning with reasons to spread smiles.
Most of the times I feel good about the way my day has gone but I feel sort of empty when I stare at the ceiling and watch the fan spin around itself. I see dreams that disturb me, others that I feel ashamed of and still others that stir the peace of my mind. There are skeletons in my closet. There are demons in my thoughts. My happy mind is clouded by my own flaws and discomfiture. I miss people whose touch makes a whole world of a difference to my state of mind. I miss you and I know I can never see you again. I miss you too and I’m waiting to see you. And I also miss you even though I see you all the time. But I don’t want to acknowledge that I’m missing the faith and the joy of self comforting more than anything else.
I laugh and I cry to let go of the emotional barrenness. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be right or wrong. I just want to be. Life is just crawling and I’m just allowing it to. I hope to bring some meaning to the act of sleeping and the act of waking up next morning with reasons to spread smiles.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
A...
bike trip to Kerela.
A journey to East India.
A walk through the old lanes of Kolkota.
Sit in Shillong’s café’s with someone playing country music in the background.
Camel rides in the deserts of Rajasthan.
A book to read in the winter of Dalhousie.
Staring at the vast expanse in Ladakh.
Trekking up to Kasubai peak with a group of friends.
Paragliding, skiing, surfing.
Driving through the roads leading to some faraway village.
Looking for animals in the forests of Madhya Pradesh.
Taking a flight.
Feeling snow on the skin.
I yearn to travel because it makes me free.
A journey to East India.
A walk through the old lanes of Kolkota.
Sit in Shillong’s café’s with someone playing country music in the background.
Camel rides in the deserts of Rajasthan.
A book to read in the winter of Dalhousie.
Staring at the vast expanse in Ladakh.
Trekking up to Kasubai peak with a group of friends.
Paragliding, skiing, surfing.
Driving through the roads leading to some faraway village.
Looking for animals in the forests of Madhya Pradesh.
Taking a flight.
Feeling snow on the skin.
I yearn to travel because it makes me free.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Mowing
They were mowing the lawns. Cutting blades of grass and getting them into shape.
This is how they condition us. Trim us to the ways of the society. Make us look the way the world would find us good and presentable. Why don’t they let us grow wild? Just shape up the way we want to. Why do we care about how we are supposed to be and be responsible for what the men think of us? Being held accountable for someone else’s morality is unfair. Harassment in form of touching, passing remarks or abusing by someone whose mind is perverted is not my responsibility. Then why are conditioned to be shameful of being objectified by men? Don’t men feel ashamed when they harass someone?
Or they feel proud because it’s such a man thing to do? I went through Pukar’s gender and space study last week and it spread out a number of questions in front of me. Space that you live in makes a whole difference to the feeling of security in ones mind. We feel more comfortable in a well-lit room than in a dark area. We feel comfortable when there are more women around us. We feel more comfortable when we are on familiar stations. Women feel safer when the infrastructure and the make of the city are designed to suit them.
When the streets and stations are well lit, the shops are open and there is movement on the road we tend to feel safer. This is something that Mumbai does offer its women. It is always alive making movement more comfortable for the girls. So is this the reason why women tend to feel safer in Mumbai? Not the only reason. Like Sociologist Shilap Phadke says, “It’s all in the mind.” Women with the right attitude, can force changes in spaces around them. We need to ask for security measures, better lighting and should be prepared to stand up for ourselves.
A city that shuts down at 11.30 in the night is a sign of failure to maintain law and order by the administration. Bangalore cannot boast of being a safe city because it does not allow freedom and does not take the responsibility of offering security to its citizens after a stipulated time in the night.
I believe that the Mumbai infrastructure makes women feel safer and I also believe that women in Mumbai have impacted the safety levels of the city with their work culture, traveling late nights and moving about freely.
This is how they condition us. Trim us to the ways of the society. Make us look the way the world would find us good and presentable. Why don’t they let us grow wild? Just shape up the way we want to. Why do we care about how we are supposed to be and be responsible for what the men think of us? Being held accountable for someone else’s morality is unfair. Harassment in form of touching, passing remarks or abusing by someone whose mind is perverted is not my responsibility. Then why are conditioned to be shameful of being objectified by men? Don’t men feel ashamed when they harass someone?
Or they feel proud because it’s such a man thing to do? I went through Pukar’s gender and space study last week and it spread out a number of questions in front of me. Space that you live in makes a whole difference to the feeling of security in ones mind. We feel more comfortable in a well-lit room than in a dark area. We feel comfortable when there are more women around us. We feel more comfortable when we are on familiar stations. Women feel safer when the infrastructure and the make of the city are designed to suit them.
When the streets and stations are well lit, the shops are open and there is movement on the road we tend to feel safer. This is something that Mumbai does offer its women. It is always alive making movement more comfortable for the girls. So is this the reason why women tend to feel safer in Mumbai? Not the only reason. Like Sociologist Shilap Phadke says, “It’s all in the mind.” Women with the right attitude, can force changes in spaces around them. We need to ask for security measures, better lighting and should be prepared to stand up for ourselves.
A city that shuts down at 11.30 in the night is a sign of failure to maintain law and order by the administration. Bangalore cannot boast of being a safe city because it does not allow freedom and does not take the responsibility of offering security to its citizens after a stipulated time in the night.
I believe that the Mumbai infrastructure makes women feel safer and I also believe that women in Mumbai have impacted the safety levels of the city with their work culture, traveling late nights and moving about freely.
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