Sleeping woes

Sleeping has become a task in the past few weeks. While sometimes I fall asleep with a smile on my face, most times fear plays games with me from the dark of my room. I lie down on the same old bed spread on the floor, night after night after night, wondering about things that make no sense. It's not a disorder, it's just a reflection of overwhelming emotions.

Most of the times I feel good about the way my day has gone but I feel sort of empty when I stare at the ceiling and watch the fan spin around itself. I see dreams that disturb me, others that I feel ashamed of and still others that stir the peace of my mind. There are skeletons in my closet. There are demons in my thoughts. My happy mind is clouded by my own flaws and discomfiture. I miss people whose touch makes a whole world of a difference to my state of mind. I miss you and I know I can never see you again. I miss you too and I’m waiting to see you. And I also miss you even though I see you all the time. But I don’t want to acknowledge that I’m missing the faith and the joy of self comforting more than anything else.

I laugh and I cry to let go of the emotional barrenness. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be right or wrong. I just want to be. Life is just crawling and I’m just allowing it to. I hope to bring some meaning to the act of sleeping and the act of waking up next morning with reasons to spread smiles.