Sometimes ancient traditional values are hidden so deep under the liberal exterior of some men that it's scary. They like to be with so-called modern women, they like to behave like men who believe in man-woman equality but when it comes to the real situation where they need to put into execution the so-called liberal outlook, the truth- the real underlying conservative attitudes come to the fore. I can talk from experience and it scares me to no end.
Well, this and several thoughts started juggling around in my head after I began reading Girls of Riyadh by Rajaa Alsanea. It is the first book I have come across which deals with the personal lives of women in a conservative middle-east country like Saudi Arabia. But the issues that are spoken about are, I guess, only the exagerated versions of what we see in our own country.
After smoking, drinking and sleeping with his girl friend a guy dumps her because he thinks his parents wouldn't be able to deal with a girl as liberal as her. So what were you doing all along....contemplating how to break the news? Didn't you know this for all the years that you were with her, that she was a 21st century girl with modern values? Shouldn't you have peeped into your conservative roots before hurting the girl? A liberal girl too has a heart, you know?
Well, that is my story. But in Girls of Riyadh this man gets legally married to the girl, and the formal wedding ceremony is a few months away. While he wants to go all out into the physical relationship, each time the girl stops him and tells him to draw the line. Since their wedding date gets postponed, the girl decides to placate him by not stopping him this time around. He goes all the way, then. And after that just stops calling her up. And after three weeks sends a divorce notice without a single dailogue with the girl he had sex with. Wasn't it he who wanted to have sex. How can he judge her on this? It's crazy!
I had recently heard of the story of this guy who was the hypocrite of the first order. He was seeing this girl for a long time. But when asked when he was planning to get married to her, he replied that he wouldn't want to get married to a girl as easy as his girl friend was! This guy lives in one of the most liberal city in India- Mumbai, he is educated and stays in suburb like Bandra. Who will be able to figure out or believe that someone like him could be such a hypocrite?
Someone please tell me how to recognise a conservative hypocrite man who disguises as the modern, educated and liberal man of the 21st century! It is one of the most intruiging issues of today's youth.
2 comments:
First of all, tell the girl to kick that man in his groin. It won't compensate for the assholeness that he so proudly displayed to the girl he (supposedly) loved, but it sure will make her feel better.
It's a question that has dogged mankind (or should I say womankind) forever.
There is no particular answer or solution for this. It all boils down to how much thought has gone into the relationship. I keep exhorting people to hold off getting physical before they know where the relationship is going.
I've seen that people base their relationships on conventional parameters like looks, status, affluence, etc. No matter how "modern" the boy/girl is he/she will try and find a person with all the qualities he/she wants in a partner. What happens then is we start looking at a person the way we want to and not for the person he/she really is. We let our judgment get clouded by the mirth of having found Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect 10 and plunge headlong into the relationship.
I've had friends who've been played by men (and women) like flutes but failed to see it. I spoke to them yet they refused to accept it. And when they got dumped they went into their shells and started hating the opposite sex.
I think both women and men need to lay off the romantic novels and movies and accept the fact that real life people are not what they see on the screen or have entire chapters in books describing their bodies.
That is probably when such "heartbreaks" will end.
About arranged marriage failures, well, the women simply need to stand up for themselves. There's not much one can do about that unless there's a law passed against divorces based only on "irreconcilable differences".
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